Regardless of your gender and/or sexual preference, you have a right to enjoy sex … and enjoy it often. Sex toys don’t always have to speak to your sexual identity. Instead, think of them as a way to enhance and possibly enliven the sex you’re having with yourself, your partner, or that cute little hottie you picked up at the bar last week (that I’m sure you’re having safe sex with, of course).

Who wants to spend $80 on something they’ve never heard of or used, only to take it home and find out that it does nothing like what they thought it would?

I don’t.

So, I’ve decided to provide inquiring minds with a sneak peak at my toolbox, along with a little friendly advice from very personal experience ;)

If you click any of the pics or the hyperlinked titles and/or text, you will be taken to a site where you can either learn more about the toy or purchase your very own!

I purchase the vast majority of my toys from, which has stores in Manhattan also; Tulip, out of Chicago; and from random places on random road trips (trust me, I give a new meaning to road head).

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me via e-mail: — You can also find me under “The Lion’s Historian” on Twitter and Facebook!

Let’s get started!

VIBRATORS a.k.a. B.O.B’s

Okay, so I’m not going to lie. I’ve sort of fallen off of the vibrator radar since first developing this page back in 2009. I’ve really dived headfirst (all puns intended) into lubes, strap-ons, and dildos. Upon doing research to update this page, I was hurt to discover that my all-time favorite waterproof vibrator, the “Shower Babe” doesn’t seem to be sold by anymore. I did, however, find a close candidate that I’ll be purchasing for some bath time fun pretty soon.

So, without further adieu, the bottom three products are my no-shit recommendations based off of what’s without a doubt next on my hit list.

One of these babies I’ve already hit the purchase button on, can you guess which one? ;-)

brigit vibe
brigit vibe
Brigit Vibe
Take a dive with the adorably styled, shower-friendly Brigit Vibe. Subtly textured silicone delights the eye as well as other parts, providing a light added sensation to penetrative use. Or, of course, you could choose to use it on the clit-the ten vibration modes are more than enough to keep any masturbation or partner play session exciting. Makes a perfect upgrade from any slimline or other penetrative vibe, or a great first-time toy.

This 7″ friend is 2″ thick and made of silicon. Thus you’ll only want to play nice with water-based lubes. He/She takes two AA batteries, and features a one-year warranty!

jimmyjane ultimate members collection of 6
jimmyjane ultimate members collection of 6
Jimmyjane Ultimate Members Set of 6
I know, I know.

It’s fuckin’ expensive.

But, don’t they look pretty!?

As a collector of adult toys and a complete addict for their aesthetic as well as functional appeal, this set hit me right where it hurts so good — the sex, art, porn intersection!

The Jimmyjane Ultimate Members Set of 6, is a limited edition of six gorgeously etched and brightly colored vibrators. Artist Jamie Hewlett’s saucy boys and girls of the decadent London nightclub scene are immortalized on a set of whisper-quiet vibrators, each with a replaceable motor to ensure long-term usage. This pleasurable pop art comes in a boxed collector’s set, sequentially numbered as part of the limited run. Three-year limited warranty with Jimmyjane.

And they’re made of aluminum!

big boss vibe
big boss vibe
Big Boss Vibe
Size queens and kings, take note: the Big Boss aims to please, and its aim is true. The Big Boss is part of Fun Factory’s new line of G4 toys, all complete with five speeds/three vibration patterns, patented Click-and-Charge technology, waterproof silicone construction, and a booster button to give you a burst of extra power when you need it most. The loop handle makes the Big Boss easy to maneuver comfortably, whether you’re using it by yourself or with a partner. And the semi-realistic design, complete with veins, adds a visual thrill and extra texture during penetration. If you like your toys large and in charge, bring the Big Boss home for many nights of supersize satisfaction.

The Boss measures 9-3/4″ x 1-3/4″, touts a five-star review (based on two reviews — soon to be three). It only comes in black, but its closely-related cousins, the Tiger Vibe and the Paulina Vibe offer different colors and different rib patterns for texture and increased friction.


As I mentioned before, my preference is DEFINITELY for dildos.

I enjoy dildos the most when we’re talking penetration stimulation. For me, it’s not the friction, but the pressure that sends me through the roof. In addition, I tend to prefer either glass or the silicon with the soft finish (definitely not the sticky “fleshy” stuff).

The bottom three recommendations are not in any order of favorite. I own and/or have used all three products personally, and I definitely stand-by my recommendations on their performance!


Octopussy Dildo
I know this seems weird, but bear with me.

This thing is amazing!

I’ve only had the opportunity to use it a few times since I’ve purchased it. I have the goal of visiting at least one sex toy store in every major city that I travel to. I picked the Octopussy up at Hustler Hollywood in New Orleans, and boy am I ever glad that I did!

I’m not going to lie, but I purchased it mostly on aesthetic appeal, however it has more than delivered. The thing I enjoy the most about glass is the smooth pressure it provides. I’m not really much for the sometimes too rough friction of penetration, but I do love a little extra internal pressure, especially if accompanying an all-too-powerful orgasm.

Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
This dildo is magic.

Does anyone remember that one episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte develops a more than casual relationship with one of her dildos (I believe it was actually the Rabbit), and her friends had to stage an intervention? That’s kind of how this toy is … beware … this toy is not made for the self-initiated “quickie”.

Get your partner or favorite sex hottie and prepare to be pleasantly surprised at all this pretty little dildo can do!

Click the picture to get more information or to purchase your piece of glass candy …

mr. right
mr. right
Soft Pack
Okay, I was curious about packing, but didn’t want to be walking around looking like I had a semi-erect penis in my pocket while I’m trying to accomplish is the Sunday-morning grocery shopping.

I work at a gay bar and sport a very … pansexual style … this packer gives me just the reaction I’m seeking from both men and women when I’m working. Also, every once in a while, I perform in drag, and I’ll be the first to tell you that stuffing a sock in your pants gets real old, real fast.

Click the picture to get more information or to purchase your very own Mr. Right today …


I use one product, and one product only:

Pink Water Lubricant
Pink Water Lubricant
Pink Water Lubricants
I enjoy this lube so much, that even though Babeland doesn’t sell it anymore, I will actually go out of my way to purchase it either via Amazon or even Walgreens online.

Yes. This lube is that good.

I’ve tried several different kinds of lubricants, including KY and Gun Oil, but not a single one of them can compare to Pink Water. This stuff is like silk in a bottle.

It’s a water-based lubricant that warms easily to body temperature, does not stain the sheets or clothing, and feels very natural against the skin. I’m a sensitive boi, and my “Dutchess” doesn’t just settle for any ol’ whatever. However, when it comes to Pink Water, “Dutchess” is definitely a fan.

Click the picture to get more information or to purchase yourself some liquid heaven in a bottle …


I am completely loyal to the SpareParts brand.

No other brand that I’ve tried has withstood the amount of usage and the variety of dildos that I prefer. In addition, no other type of harness I’ve ever tried offers the amount of stability. The placement of the Velcro straps on this harness secures the dildo to your body in such a way that prevents that weird “lag” between the rhythm set by your hips and the actual movement of the dildo. To me, this allows for a more realistic and impassioned experience.

spare parts joque harness
spare parts joque harness
Spareparts Joque Harness
When I put this harness on for the first time, the first thing that went through my head is, “oh my goodness, I think I’ve just discovered what sex is supposed to be like.”

The super-comfortable SpareParts harness transforms an everyday dildo into your cock, with an effortless fit that makes a sex toy feel like a natural extension of your body. Sturdy, lightweight, high-quality nylon/spandex wicks away moisture while fitting like a second skin on almost anybody – no gaps, chafing buckles, or pinched skin. Small pouches (one above and one below the dildo opening) allow you to position small vibrators exactly where they’ll feel best, for both the wearer and their partner. And you’ll love that it’s waterproof, machine washable, and accommodates toys up to 2″ in diameter. To add stimulation for the wearer, try wearing the We-Vibe under this harness.

Don’t believe me? This harness touts a 4.9/5.0 user rating based upon 42 reviews!

Click the pic to make this naughty harness your very own. You’ll definitely be glad you did ;)

mr. right packing strap
mr. right packing strap
Mr. Right Packing Strap
This comfortable packing strap is made specifically for the Mr. Right dildo. Elastic strap sling supports your packer from underneath, so you can pass the feel test with flying colors. Angled tailoring lets the hips naturally support the strap, while the leather backing protects your skin during extended wear.

My favorite thing about this strap is the fact that when wearing boxers, it provides a sort of … “free-wheeling” realistic feel that I don’t think the cock sock provides.

I suppose it comes down to personal preference, though. So … don’t be shy, click the pic and take the Mr. Right Packing Strap for a ride.

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