100 things “good girls” just don’t do.

Home Musings 100 things “good girls” just don’t do.
27 May

How many of you have ever heard the random statements parents, neighbors, and/or friends (male or female) make regarding the things “good girls” should and shouldn’t do?

Doesn’t it just piss you off sometimes?

I mean, isn’t it just frustrating?!

What’s a girl gotta do to let her hair loose without having her character debased, her self-worth assaulted, and her morality called to question?

Following a conversation with a few guys in my carpool (guys can be really ridiculous when talking about things their girlfriends/wives “better not” do), I sat down to compile a list of things “good girls” just don’t do. Let’s get a good visual of how utterly ridiculous and downright contradictory these standards are. They are not in any particular order, and feel free to leave a comment adding something to the list. Let’s see how long this list can be!

Also, good luck enjoying yourself this weekend. With a list like this, the only thing you’ll be able to do is knit, breathe, and watch soap operas on the couch!

Good Girls just don’t:

  1. F*ck in public
  2. Talk about reproductive rights
  3. Dare to utter the words “independence,” “feminist,” or “equality” in a conversation
  4. Get anything more than their ears pierced
  5. Wear heels that are “too high”
  6. Wear skirts that are “too short”
  7. Wear clothing that is “too tight”
  8. Wear clothing that is “too revealing”
  9. Wear clothing that is “too prudish” (you’ll never catch a man that way)
  10. Have or enjoy anal sex
  11. Talk about their vaginas (REALLY good girls don’t talk about their bodies at all)
  12. Refer to their vagina as a vagina (everyone knows it’s “down there” or a “private part”)
  13. Box (as in Leila Ali)
  14. Don’t ride motorcycles (unless they’re on the back … and even that’s debatable)
  15. Develop strong, political viewpoints
  16. Wrestle (as in Chyna)
  17. Indulge in sexual fetishes
  18. Burp
  19. Talk about their periods
  20. Behave promiscuously
  21. Lose their virginity before marriage
  22. Express aggression
  23. Behave assertively
  24. Play in the mud
  25. Work construction
  26. Work as a mechanic
  27. Work as a scientist (to include engineer, astronaut, etc.)
  28. Work as a stripper
  29. Work as a sex worker
  30. Work as a fire fighter
  31. Work in any career field that men are just “naturally better at”
  32. Choose to remain unmarried (I mean, what are you? Some sort of slut, whore, or dyke?)
  33. Hate wearing make-up
  34. Question the “natural order” of things
  35. Scratch their asses in public
  36. Fart
  37. Play with GI Joe
  38. Hell, play with anything that’s “made for boys”
  39. Get tattoos
  40. Wear “too much” make-up
  41. Keep their hair “too short”
  42. Have a body that’s “too muscular”
  43. Feel confident in a body that’s “too fat”
  44. Be unfamiliar with the kitchen
  45. Choose not to have children
  46. Refuse to “sacrifice” their careers for the sake of their family
  47. Voice their opinions “too directly”
  48. Act/dress like a whore
  49. Act/dress like a slut
  50. Correct a male when he says something completely ignorant (this would appear crazy and radical)
  51. Demand fair wages
  52. File sexual harassment complaints
  53. Press charges for rape
  54. Do anything better than a male, this especially includes the following five items:
  55. Firing a gun
  56. Any contact sport
  57. Any leadership position
  58. Politics
  59. Anything pertaining to the outdoors
  60. Enjoy various sexual positions (unless introduced to them by their husbands)
  61. Excel at household maintenance projects
  62. Admit that they really don’t need a man
  63. Believe they are equal to men (the only thing good girls are allowed to excel at is child-rearing and cooking)
  64. Take control of their sexuality
  65. Shit, poop, and DEFINITELY NOT  suffer from explosive diarrhea!
  66. Be more sexually experienced then a male counterpart
  67. Purchase strap-ons, vibrators, or any other sex toy
  68. Get pregnant before marriage
  69. Make the first move on a date
  70. Ask a guy out on a date
  71. Kiss on the first date
  72. Have sex on the first date
  73. Kick the guy out after sex
  74. Have sex with a guy and never call
  75. Gamble
  76. Drink too much
  77. Pay for things
  78. Hold the door open for a guy
  79. Take nude photos
  80. Smoke
  81. Drugs
  82. Travel alone
  83. Serve in Combat Arms (hell, a “good girl” wouldn’t even WANT to)
  84. Take charge … of anything other than the children, the cleaning, and the cooking)
  85. Live with their boyfriends before getting married
  86. Dye their hair “unnatural” colors
  87. Sleep with other women (unless he requested a threesome and gets to f*ck you both)
  88. Play Call of Duty, Madden, or Grand Theft Auto (if they do, they definitely can’t be better than a male)
  89. Wear a shirt without a bra
  90. Fix their own vehicles
  91. Chew tobacco
  92. Dare to be a non-hypersexual sports figure (see Top 20 Hottest Athletes to Pose Nude)
  93. Dare to speak on chauvinism
  94. Curse
  95. Challenge a male … in any way … ever … and especially not in public
  96. Take an interest in things like comics books, classic cars, or weapons
  97. Pee in public
  98. Be caught topless in public (this could result in rape, which of course, would not be the man’s fault)
  99. Sit on the couch, in their underwear, with a beer, watching the game
  100. Ignore their husbands (they must show proper interest and awe with EVERY hunting story)


Women aren’t a homogenous species by which a universal code of conduct can be developed to keep us all in line.

Just like men, we come from a diversity of backgrounds, cultures, and religions. Contrary to popular belief, we are entitled to develop our own personal set of morals and ethics. Our behavior, our development, our self-worth should not be summed up according to the singular goal of “catching a good man,” as if this one act in life will solely define how successful we are at womanhood.

While young boys are encouraged to develop into the man they should so desire to be, women are reared to say and do whatever it takes to maintain the image of being the “good girl” worth marrying.

Well, I say “FUCK IT!”

Life’s too short to be shackled down by unrealistic standards.

Here, here to NAUGHTY GRRLS everywhere!

Big shout out to my Wonderwoman for helping me brainstorm this list!


  1. Dead on.u00a0

    Rachel Haywire
  2. I read the entire list and know I am a bad girl. My friend and I laughed and agreed with everyone of these. Also, as I am about to have a baby girl you can bet I am not raising her to be good.n

    • *lol* I just love how contradictory these standards are … especially when overhearing my male counterparts go on and on about how boring their wives are and how constricting marriage is. I can’t help but think, “well you made your bed, now lay in it.”nnI mean, maybe divorce rates wouldn’t be so high if more people felt celebrated for who they are and what they can bring to their relationships as a unique individual!u00a0


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